Ask Igora Archives

Due to the popularity of Ask Igora, I've decided to make an archive of all the questions she's answered, and only the latest answers will be on the Ask Igora page. Therefore all of the questions listed below have been answered in the past. For the newest answers, check out this page.

Questions:



If a cute boy wins a date with me, what should we do on the date? If a girl or an ugly boy wins the pie, how do I make a pie and what flavor should it be? ~Jill
If a cute boy wins, you should go to Perkins. Maybe catch a movie, and then go out for ice cream. (That'd be Christopher's plan for the perfect first date). And if an ugly boy wins and pie is the prize... well Kim and I made this really happy recipe; it involves whipped cream, Oreo crust, chocolate chips and Banana Cream Pie filling. Mix the ingredients together to make one tasty (yet not very visually pleasing) pie.

Why doesn't the whole world come to you for advice? Seriously, the Bush Administration would be way better off if they consulted with you before making stupid decisions. How did you get to be such a great advice-giver? ~Jill
Good point... as much as Andrea enjoys being a conservative, I could do good for this country. And I could totally deal with that White House hoopla... how do they handle themselves without me? I think I became so acclaimed as an "advice-giver" because I'm so happy at it, how can you not listen to a little white rat? And I'm so soft spoken. Thanks for the comments, and I've decided that my New Year's resolution is to try to not wait a month until I answer questions.

What's a rat's stance on rassling kangaroo's? ~Kangaroo Jack
Hmm, toughie... because rassling kangaroos is a tough for a rat to do, unless I attacked one's pouch, those little babies are like the size of a peanut, but that would be kind of sad, I would be betraying Joey... wherever he is. (Joey=Kangaroo keychain in Andrea's stolen purse). And that was a run on sentence.

Someone told me that lighting candles and sprinkling rose petals about is romantic. Is it true? ~Matt
As long as the candles smell pretty and you sprinkle tulip petals instead of roses... because roses aren't happy. Tulips and grass clippings are. But sometimes people don't appreciate grass clippings as much as they should.

What should I do if men keep hitting on me? ~Matt
Hmm, I have this sneaking suspicion that this was submitted by Nick...

Hey Igora, can you tell me what Andrea might want for christmas? ~Matt
Hmm, I think Andrea would like a hug. And that pony. Really, I can't give hints when there isn't anything to give hints about.

Do you eat Swedish Fish up there in Heaven? If you don't, you ought to ask for some, they're great! Do rats like candy? Or maple syrup? Also, do rats have wisdom teeth? Because I'm getting mine out tomorrow and I'm worried. ~Jill
I personally have never had Swedish Fish, but in my day I ate a lot of altoids and Trident (really tasty). But I would imagine that I would enjoy Swedish Fish or maple syrup, because they are sweet. Hmm, wisdom teeth. Don't worry about those, especially if you are getting knocked out, it's like a really nice nap. I don't have them, but my two front teeth never stop growing, so if I don't constantly chew on things they grow through my upper jaw. Pleasant, eh?

I wanna touch the sky; is it possible? How? ~Matthew
When you are in heaven you can, I'm touching it now... and now... and now... But if you watched inspirational children shows like Reading Rainbow you would know that touching the sky is like succeeding, so go read a book, or something.

Would you still answer my questions if I was a sea otter? ~Jill
Hmm, I'm not one to discriminate, so I think that even if you were something like a sea otter I would still feel like I could relate to you and respond to your questions. I'm all about crossing the border between... species.

Can you use your special mind powers to convince cute boys to ask me out? ~Jill
I would, I really would... but when I signed the contract I didn't read the small print, something about exploiting cute boys for their looks or something. Sad, isn't it?

What do rats look for when considering a possible owner? ~Matt
The food, and... that's it.

Do rats really need a good dental plan? ~Matt
Yeah we do, especially since our teeth never stop growing. And we like to chew really hard things.

How do you tell if you're at an authentic Chinese restaurant? ~Good rice, long life.
Quality chopsticks. It's all about the quality chopsticks. And if they give you those cute little takeout boxes. And maybe it might have something to do with the food they serve...
How long does it take brinkster to delete an inactive site? ~Matt
Apparently a very long time, considering that the old lucky-eleven is still up and possibly my even older site. They have a hard time letting go.

Why can't relationships like that work? ~Jacob
With Stengl, I'm assuming? Relationships don't work when you: a) have nothing in common, b) have the same age ratio as Christopher and my little sister, and c) have no real reason to continue. It also doesn't help when the breakup is dragged out over the span of several months. I don't think there is anything else to say.

How is it that you got to be so wise? Are all rats as wise as you? ~Matt
It takes about 2 years, considering that's how long I lived.

How angry would Andrea get if i won this contest, and was a 'date whore'? ~Matt
Although this question is void (no contest), I would have to say that Andrea wouldn't be angry because you would win the pie. Ouch.... Kidding, kidding.

How many questions can I ask before you consider it spamming? ~Matt
Four. And you sent four. Way to be borderline!

Where is rat heaven? ~Matt
Between Purgatory and Human Heaven. We don't get all the sunshine, but rumor has it our dental plan is better.

well i now have a new boyfriend who happends to be 20, and it seemed to me that the age level seemed to blend pretty good with each other and also chartors of each other, but now as my boyfriend does not live at his parents house and i live at mine, and now that school is starting its like...wait i dont see you at school, i cant/dont go out parting with you and your friends i mean i really like they guy and i have known him since ever, i guess im just confused on how it all will work. I mean he is in the army and "maybe" go to Honduras for 6 months i mean...can a 17 year old girl take that compiared to maybe a 20 year old girl? ~*blank*
Speaking from experience, such a relationship can work, but if the situation starts to get a bit old and you get really sick of dealing with trying to find time for eachother, maybe it would be a good idea to get someone closer to your own age. But if you can handle not seeing eachother every few days like in the summer, then it shouldn't be a problem, but keep in mind he could go away for an extended period of time. You should make sure you would be prepared for that if it was to happen.

What is the correct way to write the latitude and longitude of a location? ~Matt
Latitude lines run horizontally, longitude run vertically. To precisely locate points on the earth's surface, degrees longitude and latitude have been divided into minutes (') and seconds ("). There are 60 minutes in each degree. Each minute is divided into 60 seconds. Seconds can be further divided into tenths, hundredths, or even thousandths. For example, the U.S. Capitol is located at 38°53'23"N , 77°00'27"W (38 degrees, 53 minutes, and 23 seconds north of the equator and 77 degrees, no minutes and 27 seconds west of the meridian passing through Greenwich, England). (Source: geography.about.com)

What are some essentials that I need for school? ~Matt
A pencil and paper. Maybe a calculator. Maybe.

What should you do if business at your street corner is slowing down and you are no longer making enough money to support your alochol problem or your baby's crack addiction? ~Jill
2 things: I would resolve to steal a more popular street corner and full-heartedly advertise my business by wearing considerably less clothes than usual, and then sell my crack addicted baby into the black market to support my alcohol problem. (It's all in the marketing with these types of businesses).

How should one handle being accused as a flirt? ~N
Hmm, you should think about what would have caused such an accusation, and perhaps end that activity, unless you were happy with that status.

What should you do with someone that keeps stealing admin access of your forum? ~R0x0r
I would shun them out of the forum by blocking ip and usernames, although trivial things like blocking them never seemed to make it stop. Oh well.

I'm a Mandreatt.... :D ~Matt
Naturally, but you are actually only half of one....

Menopause has nothing to do with iron! It has everything to do with uh.. *nervous glance* *shriek, pounding noise* Emotions? ~Nick
(Although this question was submitted under the name Matt, I can guess who actually sent it...) Anyway, of course, it has EVERYTHING do with emotions. *cough cough*

What should you do if someone is unbeatupable? ~Master-Yoshi
I would wait outside the Landmark Building until they came out, lure them into a dark alley, and beat them down. It'd be fun.

I see links everywhere for baby coupons. Do they mean coupons that haven't reached adolesence yet, or coupons to buy babies? ~Jill
Hmm, I would imagine coupons to buy babies. Adolesence coupons, as one would think, would probably not be printed out for public use. But I would imagine that coupons to save money on babies would be very useful, because babies are expensive.

Who is Jill, where is Edgar? ~Matt
Jill is Kim's friend, who lives in Edgar, which is West of Marathon City. I've heard the fish frys there are very good.

What should you do if you've been kicked in the head and you think you might have a concussion, but you don't think you do, but you have a big lump on your head and every time you stand up you get dizzy? ~Jill
I would take a nice long nap....stupid over-priced hospitals.

What's a good strategy for getting up in the morning? ~"deep_sleeper101"
Perhaps the best strategy is actually getting sleep in the first place (helps prevent run-ins with blind people). Another option is having Mel give you a wakeup call at 7am. If sleep is out of the question, pull an all nighter, and then continue to be late for school/work anyway.

What are the leading causes of colon cancer? And are you at risk? ~Apyrl
Colon Cancer (Thanks Matt)! Some risk factors are women who have been diagnosed with breast or ovarian or uterine cancer, persons with a sibling, parent or child with colon cancer, persons who are passing frank blood in the stool, men with iron deficiency anemia, women after menopause with iron deficiency anemia, and persons found on screening exams to have blood present in the stool. I've got no blood in my stool, not to mention the fact that I'm a dead rat, so I think I'm all good in the colon cancer department...

What should you do if someone says that someone else is mad at you, but that person says they aren't mad at you, and you think there's something wrong because the person who said that someone else is mad doesn't talk to you and the person who is supposedly mad at you does and you can't understand what's going on and who's telling the truth? ~Jill
Yeah, I can't understand what's going on either. If my life was so confusing I would probably retire early. But since that probably isn't an option, I would talk to the person who is supposed to be mad at you (because they are the person who is actually talking to you). I'm sure if they are talking to you they aren't mad, and it's actually the person who is shutting you out who is mad. So I would talk to that person and ask them what's going on with the person who told you that they were mad at you, if that makes any sense. And after that gets all sorted out I would take a nice nap, but naps aren't confusing.

If there was a Sr guy who wanted to ask you to prom, but you made up your mind that you were not going, how would you say "no" with out being a hat-loser...yes you dont want to go with him but still... ~Amber
Hmm, first of all, I'm curious who wants to ask you! But sticking the question, I think the best way to go about saying no nicely is to not procrastinate. Don't keep putting it off until the last second, because if you do it right away he'll have a chance to ask someone else, instead of being completely dateless. And when you actually tell him, make sure you give some sort of reason that doesn't completely slaughter his self esteem, which in this case would the be truth. Tell him you were not planning on going at all and that you don't really feel up to it. Or, or, your could just reconsider, accept, and come have fun at prom... whatever works for you.

Do dead guinnea pigs and dead rats live together in heaven? ~Erik
Yes, in fact, we do. And we romp around and play in the sun all day. Although I must say, if the stupid pigs weren't already dead, I'd probably beat them down, for all those annoying squeaking sounds they make. Whores.

If you were a being of the human variety and you and a boy were baking cake and cupcakes in your kitchen at 9:00 at night, what would you do? ~Jill
First of all, I would eat every single cookie he baked. My kitchen, my cookies. Then I would invite him back every night to make me more cookies. Seriously, you can't find cookie-baking boys very often. Take advantage of that kichen-using punk!

what's the coolest thing you've ever found in a cereal box? ~Kim
I know it's no Tucan Sam, but I did find some crunchy circles once. They didn't taste like anything, but apparently they can lower my cholesterol. Score!

What did you give up for Lent? ~Kim
I gave up answering questions... just kidding. Yeah, I gave up Altoids and Trident gum. My only true addictions, sigh.

I feel stupid asking a rat this, but would you have any tips on what to get my boyfriend for his birthday? ~Carmen
I think it's well known that Rats now a lot about boyfriends and birthday gifts. I would get him a sweater. A nice one. Yeah, I stole that idea from Kim.

Igora, have you ever seen the movie "Willard"? If you haven't, don't, you wouldn't like it. It makes rats seem really evil and demonic. That said, how do you feel about all the negative attention that rats get? Does it upset you or make you angry? ~Jill
First of all, sorry this took so long to reply to. Anyway, I am very against the negative image us rats are given. In reality, we don't chew off people's fingers (often), and we don't have red eyes (unless we're albino, like myself), we don't like living in sewers (keyword: like), and we don't like to be overpopulated. The image we are stuck with makes me so angry, I could go infest a house with some buddies of mine... not that all rats infest houses.

How can I get Elijah Wood to realize that he and I are meant for each other and that it is inevitable that we will one day be married? ~Jill
One word: stalking. Eventually, he will have to notice your obsession. He can't possibly ignore you forever! And if he threatens you... tell him you wouldn't mind going back to jail. That'll scare the crap out of any hobbit.

Why can't I get a *good* date for Junior Girls? It's not that I dislike my current date... but come on we're going as a whore and pimp? Thats pretty pathetic. Damn I knew it. Guys just want me for the great sex. :'( ~Natalie
Yeah, that's possible. Maybe because you sell your body on the street. Just maybe. Yeah, whore, stick with your date! (*hums "Leap of Faith"*)

I GOT MY LICENSE!!! I might've gotten 25 points, but it wasn't 26 so I still passed! W00000t! I like to run errands for my mom now because I can!!! Thank God I don't have to take the test over again. ~Jill
WOOT! Go Jill, that rocks! But remind me to stay off the streets... just kidding.

What do you do if no boys want to go out with you, not even the ones you don't want to go out with? What do you do if you can't even get a llama to date you? Does this mean that you're a loser? ~Jill
Hmm, then the boys are losers. It's not you, it's them probably. Unless you SMELL like a llama, you should have no trouble if you have confidence. Don't care what the losers think. I find that if you tend to not let them bother you, you become more attractive in their eyes. And if all else fails, sell yourself on the street. (Just kidding). Have you tried asking one of THEM out?

What would you do if you were going to take your drvier's test in 4 days, but you were a super bad driver and you didn't really want to take it but you felt like you had to and tons of people knew about it and you knew you were going to fail and you thought you were going to accidently kill the examiner and you got an ulcer from worrying about it so much and you lost sleep over it and it caused problems in your love life and pretty soon you didn't have any friends and you were left all alone in the dark with no one to talk to but yourself? ~Josephina
First of all, Jesus! That was a long sentence! Anyway, as a rat, I obviously know lots about taking drivers tests (heh heh). Most important: who cares if you fail? It's not that big of a deal; if you fail you just take it again, don't care what other losers, I mean people, think. But don't set yourself up to fail either. Try practicing as much as you can between now and your test, but don't let the little things get you. You probably aren't a bad driver, you just think you are. The test isn't really bad anyway, you don't even have to go onto the highway (if you live in Wisconsin, that is), and the just of it is just making sure you don't go over the speed limit.
Another tactic is being really, reeeaally nice to the examiner. Don't be chewing gum during the test, that probably makes them bitter. Try to look somewhat respectable too. I'm not saying dress up, just don't wear crappy jeans and a tshirt with a ketchup stain. And if you are so lucky, you can anticipate the conversation you'll be having with the examiner. For example, I knew that there was a possibly that Dan (the failing man) was going to be testing me, and I had heard rumors that he was really into classical music, orchestras and bands, so I wore my High School Orchestra shirt. When he used the conversation starter about what my favorite classes were, I mentioned my favorite was Orchestra (to bad I was quitting the next school year). Anyway, he actually believed my lies and even though I ran a yellow light (a BIG no-no by the way) he still passed me with only 6 points off. The just of that was just be really respectful to your examiner, because they notice and they probably care.
So overall, don't try try to stress over every little detail, because you'll screw up. Try not to stress out too much, and eat some fruit. Good luck! (Ack, that was a long reply).

What are your opinions of Beastmaster? ~Kim
Yes! Beastmaster! Well, first of all, obviously, he is not a 'master' of all beasts, because he never had an influence over me. But other than that, he's a very powerful individual, because he can talk to the animals, and he carries ferrets in his pouch! By the way, we should get a party going with his movie from the 80's!

Hhhm, how would I know if that person has the same feelings? Also, just for the record, that person should know that I love her as much as I say I do-by now that should be obvious. ~Unknown
You should know, there shouldn't be any guesswork.

Once apon a time I had a boy friend..and then he changed into some one else...then he dumped sice "I dont have any time to see you..and its not going to work out but we can still be friends" but now he seems like we are just "hello" friends..and its driving me crazy! And I want to be with him but I cant..and when I am I see my old friend but hear a new friend..and now I'm lookinf for a new guy..but I still want my old friend..and I dont know what to do..he said we can see what happends in the spring..and maybe go back out.. but should i? I just dont know what to do!!! Help all knowing one! I know you have the power to give me the answer. ~Amber
Awww, Amber. We should all find out where he lives, track him down and take him out! Naw, I'm just kiddin', but seriously, he broke up with you so he could WORK?! You still want to get together with him when he wants work over you? Man, I understand if he's working so he can buy you lots of pretty things, because we all know that you live for pretty things with diamonds (coughKiddingcough). Anyway, Amber you could run circles around this guy; you deserve someone who likes you better than his job!

How do you know if the person you loves feels as strongly about you as you do about them? ~Unknown
Most of the time that person has the same feelings, but if you loved them as much as you say, you should also want them to be happy, even if the person you love is a bitch sometimes, (sorry 'bout that).

I wouldn't ask such a stupid question in the first place! Everyone knows Mel doesn't rock. Who would ask such a question? They need help! Sorry, Mel, no offense-hehehe! ~Stengl
Well, that question kind of answered itself, heh heh.

What if Mel didn't rock? ~No Name
You are saying that Mel rocks in the first place, which isn't true. So there really isn't an answer to that question. And by the way everyone else, No Name is actually Stengl, which clears that little mystery up, hehe.

How did Odysseus outsmart the Cyclops? Now then, who is No Name? ~No Name
Odysseus first poked out the Cyclops' eye with a red hot poker log, and then he tied himself and his men to the bottom of fat sheep so that the Cyclops could not tell they were under the wool, and then as the sheep walked out of the cave the Cyclops didn't know they were escaping. But then Odysseus screwed himself over by yelling his name back to the Cyclops, because then the Cyclops told his father, who happened to be Posideon if my memory serves me, to curse Odysseus. And that's why it took Odysseus like 10 years to get home from Troy. That sucks. And No Name isn't actually just one person, whenever someone is being lazy and doesn't put their name in the name box then I just put No Name.

You're not holding out on me, are you man? ~Smapled
I would never!! I'm shocked you would ask... you whore! So... anyway. Yeah, that's it.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? ~No Name
I say the chicken. But it wasn't actually a chicken, it was a strange dinosaur type creature that evolved into the modern chicken, which later layed eggs. I think the strange dinosaur chicken also had scales. Because modern chickens have scaley legs. You should see my chicken calendar! This month it's silkie chicken that looks like a puff ball!

How much would you charge for an 8th of your hash? ~Smapled
I would charge you an arm and a leg, hash whore. I want my *beep* pipe. (Duh nuh nuh nuh Duh nuh nuh nuh) I want my *beep* pipe! I love listening to Weezer on the Radio! Anyway, back to your question, I'm not a dealer, or a user for that matter, so I wouldn't know, now would I? Go ask Mel.

What would you do if Mel wanted to redecorate your living room? ~Kim
Hmm. If she felt the need to lower the value of my house, I would probably either allow her to do it, then have her pay me to return it to it's original value, or I would forever bar her from my household. The 2nd choice sounds very appealing...

Who forked my lawn? ~Kim
Okay, although I am god when it comes to answering questions, I'm not Miss Cleo. All I know is that I didn't fork you lawn, nor Andrea. I swear!

What would you do without sarcasm? ~Kim
Omigod! What would I do without sarcasm? I would probably die a horrible death; I would slowly wither away, as I could no longer add needless input to conversations, or make fun of Stengl! Slowly I would be come duller and duller, and I would incinerate in a single burst of flames! Whew, thank god I've got my sarcasm.

Where do you get your hash from? ~Smapled
Okay, okay. Keep this on the low down, but me and Mel got "business". Let's just say I keep the family business going. But that's all I can say, cough cough cough!

What would you do for a klondike bar? ~(no name)
For that little cube of chocolate and vanilla goodness? I would beat you senseless, no name. I would kill, for that little cube. All for ice cream. Ahh, the power of Klondike bars.

Is is possible to get Orlando to go to prom or JR girls with me? ~Amber
I think so, everyone has a fair chance right? You might want to get a hold of him now though, people like him tend to have busy schedules... And I would take him to prom, then he can use one of his huge paychecks to pay the bill!

How can I meet Joe? Kim won't let me. Blah. ~Natalie
Do you know Joe? Are you in love with Joe? Maybe you should stalk him, or threaten Kim with brutal force. Wait, I don't think violence is the answer. Maybe you can talk to him on one of those "telly-fones" and plan to meet him somewhere. He has a phone number, right?

What are a couple of telltale signs that your significant other is annoyed/pissed off at you? ~(no name)
Well, Stengl, there are few really obvious ones. First of all, extreme sarcasm. If your significant other constantly jokes about EVERYTHING she probably hates you. And if she wants to spend time with you she probably is annoyed as well. Also, remember, "I love you" is girl-code for "I want to rip your heart out and feed it to the dogs". So, watch out for that.

Why do they call ugly painting abstract? ~Kim
I think abstract is kind of a really nice way to say ugly. Half of the painters who make up that garbage are half-starved white boys who don't have much talent but a lot of cheap paint sets. I swear, if you looked up "abstract" in a Thesaurus you would find words like ugly, hideous, unsightly, reveolting, with an antonym being talent.

Do you know what it's like being male, middle class and white? ~Kim
Yeah, I do. (It get's me real pissed off and makes me wanna say...). Wait, no the whole male thing isn't my dish, but I've got the middle class and white thing going on. Wait, maybe not the middle class thing either; I slept in a tissue box behind bars for most of my life. So, mostly just the white part, considering I'm albino, or was albino... whatever. So, I know what it's like to be white.

If you had 3 wishes what would they be? ~(no name)
Somebody forgot to type their name....haha. Anyway, three wishes. First off, I would go for the endless supply of money thing. I just want to buy a golden tissue box to sleep in. And then perhaps I would wish for stricter parole laws, get some of those punk ex-cons off the street. And I then I wish I had a llama. Llamas make good pets.

If I were a pirate, I wouldn't pillage, I'd rape. What would you do if you were a pirate? ~Jill
If I were a pirate I would wear an eyepatch. I think eyepatches give a kind of rugged "I'm-a-pirate-and-I'm-going-to-rape-your-wife" kind of look, but in my case it would be more of a "I'm-a-pirate-and-I'm-going-to-rape-your-household-pests" look. After the eyepatch, I would go find Johnny Depp, and get him to drink lots of rum.

My boy friend has always something going on for him but not for me. I see him about 2 times a week and I want to spend more time with him. How do I tell him or ask him that? His work tells him that they will let him out at 2 but then he is home at 12:30 am. How do I handle this? ~Amber
Amber! Where've you been? We've got to hang out, or at least you and Andrea have to hang out. Anyway, your question. Your boyfriend's job sucks! (Are you still seeing Jon?) Perhaps you should ask him to take off work a little more often then usual during the summer so you guys can see eachother. A relationship is no fun when you can't see eachother very often. You should talk to him about it; ask him if he can't open up his schedule for more of you, ask him to ditch is friends for a night. It sounds like he's working too much anyway. I'm rambling. My advice is to talk to him about it. If it's summertime and you've got nothing much going on, he should be able to open up a little time just for you. Awww. Good luck with that Amber, that's the hardest question I've had in awhile, besides from the baby one.

It's storming like a mother outside..... ~Mel
Maybe this is the time to actually define what a question is. A question is one of 3 things: an expression of inquiry that invites or calls for a reply, an interrogative sentence, phrase, or gesture, or a subject or point open to controversy. Your submission is not one of those things, you idiot. Anyway, how does a mother storm? Look Mel, a real question!!

My back hurts..... ~Mel
Awww, poor Melly. It's going to hurt even more when I beat you. Maybe that was a little harsh... but then again, it's Mel.

Can I eat your face? Or how about your llama? Your baby? ~Jill
I'll take these one at time. My face, yeah, you can. Take County Highway NN West, and then turn South on County Highway O. You'll see a gravel driveway leading into the woods, follow that (you'll have to get out of your car at one point) until you get to a large formation of rocks. Climb up the side of that hill, and you come to a small plot of land with several signs sticking up from the ground. Past a few of those signs you'll see two sticks sticking out of the ground. Now be careful, Phileep is on my left, and you don't want to be eating his face without his permission. I'm about six inches under, my face should be good. Now, my llama. I don't own a llama currently, so it would be pretty hard to eat something I don't own. And I also don't have a baby, yet. Hehe, Philleep is so blind....

What is there to do in heaven? ~Kim
Not much really, which explains why I'm passing on my wisdom to you losers, I mean, my friends. Most of the time we are just enjoying eternal happiness, watching all of the idiots screw up down on Earth. It's a blast, head on up here sometime.

What is your position on Rastafarians and Herb Doctors? ~Casey
Hmm, Rastafarians. (Oh my god, there is a religion made just for Mel!) Anyway, I don't have a problem with Rastafarians; I believe that you should let people (or rats) believe what they want too, and if we all weren't so prejudiced we'd figure out that perhaps those Jamacians with dreadlocks aren't all Marijuana (or to all those Rastas out there, Ganja) smokers, and there are other beliefs in their religion. Although I don't personally know any Rastafarians or "Herb Doctors", from what I understand their religion also promotes peace and righteousness, and the stereotype that has fallen on their relgion isn't always as true as it may seem. But don't get me wrong, not all Rastas are angels, but all religions have their more radical members, and we can't hold that against the majority. Overall, I accept Rastafarians for what they are, and have no problem sharing my cloud with them.

How do you like your Coffee? ~Kim
I don't drink coffee often, mostly because I'm a "water right out of the sipper bottle" kind of rat, but I do tend to enjoy my coffee black with whipped cream on top. In other words, I like my coffee black and white, like Phileep.

If your name was Alfonzo, what would you do? ~Jill
I would do two things; first of all I would go find my birth certificate, aka my receipt from Petco, and change my name there so my gravemarker would not be incorrect. Then I would kill myself, because I don't want the name Alfonzo.

If you could have the whole world at your command, what would you do with it? ~Jill
I would liberate rats, frankly. We get this bad rap about the whole "Black Plague" and Monkeypox thing. Come on, it was the bacteria on the fleas on us, and it's not like we didn't try to scratch them off or anything. And come on, Monkeypox? The blame has moved from Prarie dogs back to rats, because apparently one of my Aussie cousin rats passed it on. That's bullcrap man, Prarie dogs are like monster hamsters, so I say we blame the hamsters. So, all in all, I would give reigning freedom to rats and use hamsters as our fat little slaves, mwahahaha.


I think that I am one messed up person. I love Mel's legs and I want my legs to look just like hers. But why Mels? Why not like some sumo wreastler from Japan? Am I a phsyco for liking Mels legs? ~Amber
Okay, although I am all powerful, this problem is out of my hands. Anyone, and I mean ANYONE who likes Mel's legs needs help amd drugs. I suggest you see a profesional therapist as soon as possible, and make sure you get on some kind anti-depressant. Good luck, and whoo, I'm glad I've don't got your problem!

Hey Igora could Amber get Andreas e-mail address so I can send something to her? ~Amber
Yo, Amber. You could check out the Contact page to get all the information on contacting Andrea.


Is necking wrong? ~Amber
Hmm... depends on who you are "necking". If you neck a minor, gross. If you're Bill Clinton necking Monica, gross. If you're necking Phileep, get away for my boyfriend or I'll beat you. If you're necking Mel, hahahaha. If you're necking your boyfiend, that's fine by me, and it's not wrong...

Why you gotta always be hatin' on my people!? ~Kim
Hey, hey, hey, what you be thinkin' girl? I don't be hatin' yo' people, you all be hatin' my species! Goin' 'round sayin' those things 'bout me?! Ya, yo' say, yo' don' think Igora hear none 'a dat, but yo' gotta think girl, I be in heaven, an' I hear just 'bout everythin'! So yo' always sayin' I be hatin' yo' people, you be hatin' me and my homies, and I ain't gonna stand fo' none of dat! Igora will not be disrespected! So get yo' black #$@*& (llama) up on in here and say dat to my furry face, yo!

What would you do if I bit you? ~Jill
Hmm, if you bit me. It depends where you bit me. If you bit me in my fatty tumors (yes, I still have my fatty tumors in heaven) I wouldn't feel it, because even though they are wrapped around my heart, I pretty much have no sense of touch in them, so if you bit me there I would just go back to using my pair of tumors as pillows. But if you bit me in the tail or the head or the body or the foot or something like that I would find you and beat the crap out of you. Just kidding. I would probably bite you back, and come on, think about it. I'm a rat, my teeth never stop growing, they are big. It would hurt.

If (this is hypothetically speaking now) Stengl and I were attached at the hip, who would kill who first? ~Mel
Okay, I asked around a bit for this one, and everyone that I asked felt the same. If you and Stengl (Andrea's boyfriend, the Marine) were attached at the hip, Stengl would massacre you, seriously. But look on the bright side, he would be the one stuck dragging around a dead carcass with unnaturally bright hair for the rest of his life, because hypothetically speaking, you guys would be sharing intestines and he could not get your decaying body cut off. Yay!

If you could marry anyone in heaven, who would it be? ~Mel
Since I'm good friends with everyone up here in the clouds, this was a tough question at first, but after much thought, I asked Phileep for his hand in marriage, and he accepted. For those who don't know Phileep, Phileep came after my death and is a black and white hooded rat that recently passed away of cancer... or something like it. Anyway, it was love at first sight!

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck bananas? ~Steph
I don't think a woodchuck would chuck any wood. Besides from the unsightly tooth decay that comes from chucking wood, bananas have more nutritional value. So, they would have an oxymoron name and would chuck a lot of bananas.

Why is there currency when everything could have no value? ~Laura
Hmm, I've thought about this one myself. I suppose because then the lazy losers who don't want to do anything with their life would keep buying pools and tennis courts for the backyard and the people who worked hard to become doctors and lawyers would be screwed over. Hey, I think there to be no currency!

Why can't I be Kim Tambornino? ~Jill
I know, I know; it's something we ALL have to deal with. We can't all be Kim, but alas, we can be comforted with the thought that she is only a phone call away. I don't know about you, but I would KILL to be a red-headed cripple like Gimpy, I mean, Kim.

How do they celebrate the 4th of July in South Africa? ~Casey
Good question. Well, the annual celebration of the 4th of July in South Africa depends on 2 things. Whether the day happens to fall on a weekday or weekend, and if any given person works on that day or not. If it's a weekday then due to traditions they go to work at the normal time, come home at the normal time, and go to sleep at the normal time. If it falls on a weekend, however, and they don't work on weekends, they will most often sleep in, and then progress normally as the day goes on. As you can see, the 4th of July is a big deal down in SA!

Who is the father of my baby: Grant, Kevin, or Mark? ~Jill
Wait, you knew I was watching you during your sexual... uh, nevermind. But I'm sure I can figure out the father through the process of elimination. First, Grant? Come on, that sounds way too much like the name of a rock, I'm sure you are too intelligent to screw around with rocks, so he's out. Kevin... that reminds me way too much of the Home Alone movies, it's not him. So, minus Grant and Kevin and that leaves Mark. The father is Mark. And I think with blood tests after the baby is born you'll see that I am the smartest rat that ever died and went to heaven.

First, Kim told me about your site. Now I want to know, what would you do if llamas could fly? ~Jill
Holy crap, unpaid advertising! Anyway, if llamas could fly, I would invest in llamas, in the stock market. Come on, llamas are useful by themselves, but with a pair of wings the possibilites are endless. Selling stock on those babies could bring any country out of recession.

Why do fools fall in love? ~Kim
Well, I don't think it's really the fools fault. Sure, they fall in love with a nice blonde-headed kid, and they bake him cookies, and be overall an awesome girlfriend, and next thing you know he's dating his best friend's little sister. I think the question should really be "Why do normal people fall in love with seemingly nice guys that turn out to be backstabbing boyfriends that keep other girls' garters in their car?"

Could I ever get to be as cool as Mel? ~Kim
Well, I don't know. Let's see if you fit the description of being cooler than Mel: A. You have be breathing air, B. You have to a vocabulary that consists of more than the "Dope" and "Bob the Builder". I'm sorry, if you don't meet those requirements, not only will you never be as cool as Mel, you should be shot.

I fill go bad about steeling huggs, but then its NEVER me. I don't steel them is OTHER people but I found this web site about Hugs and I want to know what you think of it
Click here: Hugged! -Amber
Well, I didn't get the address to the site, but I'll tell you what, stealing hugs is WRONG! And I know from past experiences that you, Amber, are very experienced with the stealing of hugs, and I want to let you know, that I'm am SHOCKED! Anyway, send me that hug address! I want to check it out!

Did I ever tell you your my hero? ~Kim
Heh heh. No, but come on? How many people don't consider me their hero? I've got the dashing good looks, the brains of... a intelligent person... and uh, I don't ask out my best friends little sister.

What is May Day / what is the point? ~Kim
I poked around and did some research. May Day is the International Working Class holiday. It originated in pagan Europe, and pretty much celebrated the end of winter, in which everyone would party on the evening of April 30 to bring in spring.
Eventually the Catholic church outlawed the celebration, and only peasants would celebrate. This day also was where the Maypole was created (the big pole with long ribbons hanging off it it, in which young men and women would each take a ribbion and dance around the pole until they became entwined together, in the spirit of new love (perhaps the humble origins of pole dancing?).
This day became increasing unpopular among the church and the law, because during labor strikes of the 1800's unions often used the day as a reason to skip work and demand better wages, etc. Finally, in 1889 in Paris, the International Working Men's Assoc. declared May Day as an offical holiday. So pretty much the point of May Day is a day off for working class citizens. More than you wanted to know, eh?

Have you ever eperienced De-Ja Vous? ~Kim
Yeah, it's so weird, man. Sometimes I was dozing off at the food dish, and I could have sworn I had been dozing off there before... god I'm so smart.

What country is South Africa in? ~Mel
Well, it's in the country of Africa, of course!

I asked my boy friend out and I made the move to hold his hand and to hug him. Should he make the kissing move? ~Amber
Woah, man, hugging... that's serious. Anyway, if you made that move he should be going for the kissing move dude. I mean, come on, I'm dead and my social life is pretty much dead as well, and even I know the answer to that one. Tell him to get his move on, and make sure not to sneeze and wipe your snot on him.

*2 billion dollar question of the week* Would you rather have a 'moment in the woods' with Tom Cruise or Dan Rather? ~Casey
Let's see. Now, personally, Tom Cruise is too much of a corker for me, and he can't provide great CBS news coverage. I would choose Dan Rather on that one, and because the woods is my natural habitat, naturally the moment in the woods be spectacular.

Is there anything in this world better then Mel? (by the way, if there is, it better be dragged out into the street and shot) ~?????
Hmm, well I'd have to think hard about that one. If everything that was better than Mel would have to be shot, then you would have to shoot everything. Can I help?

If everything tastes like chiken.....then what does chiken taste like? ~Kim
Well, "chicken" is kind of a broad topic. Now, if you had grilled chicken, it would depend on what you grilled it in. You could use some nice sauces and make it taste like A1. If you breaded it, it tastes kid of bready. Finally if you cooked it in grease, it would taste like Mel... I mean, grease.

What is your favorite Weezer song? ~Casey
Holy crap, what's this, a somewhat serious question?! Hmm, I'm a hardcore fan of the "old school" stuff, (although Keep Fishin' is a dope song), my favorite song is probably Say It Ain't So or Only In Dreams, or Pink Triangle. Darnit, I don't know, they all rocked back then!

Do you know who's stupid? ~Mel
Yes, in fact I do know who's stupid. Mel, who else, you idiot! Of course, that goes without saying...

Why did the Kamikaze pilots where helmets? ~Casey
Ooo, tough one. My guess is that after having that final little drink before heading off, they were feeling a little tipsy, and just put the helmet on out of habit. Or maybe they were not too bright, I mean, come on, they're flying to their deaths by choice...

Can I have 10 dollars? ~Kim
Heh, there's nothing in my pockets (of fat) to give you, and Andrea insists that the duct tape wallet is empty besides from some pocket lint, so sorry Kim, we've got nothing to give.

Where do babies come from? ~Tim
Well, Mel and Kim, click here for your answer.

Where do you live? ~Kris
Well, Mel and Kim, I live south of Mel's and Casey's house, and slightly west of Kim's house, of course! (Actually, I live in heaven, but what the hell, Andrea's got my forwarding address).

Is Mel's rabies contagious? ~Casey
Yes, yes it is. As of last week, Coach actually feared that his son was infected, due to the tell-tale bite marks on his skin. Mel should be kept in Sherman's house whenever other people and Sherman are around just as a precaution, simply because they don't want rabies.

Is Mel's hair luminous? ~Rabies
Can I be frank for a moment? ("Hi Frank!") Honestly, I've never seen Mel's hair. Every time I look at her there is this glowing orb of dyed yellow sunshine blocking my view of her head. Now, they say looking into shining objects that could possibly be the sun itself is not good for the eyesight, and quite frankly, I need my sight in heaven. So, Rabies, I think that we must all conclude that Mel's hair is luminous.

Where is a good place to learn HTML? ~Jen
Wait, Andrea doesn't know very many people named Jen... is it possible that someone BESIDES her "groupies" (hehe) actually visted this site? Woah... Anyway, some good places to learn are Lissaexplains.com and funky-chickens.com. But, keep in mind, you don't learn HTML overnight, it takes a long time a few really crappy websites to really get the hang of it.